Stuck like a sausage

Words after words,
Orders after orders,
Questions after questions,
Blames after blames,

Destruction of me.

Words, whom spoken by me, eventually led to hurting me back. It has never been easy, and it has been staying up to this level since before, and then. And my sins, they are punishing me back. Demanding a thing that even I myself could not afford to pay back. A misery that no one will understand, scoldings after scoldings even if I tried to open up to someone called a person, a human.

Blames after blames, how may times do I need to pretend that I am okay. Instead, hiding those tears, those burdens up to this extent. Yes, no one..*stop*
Sighs after sighs, no one will really hear. Pretending to hear, there is a lot. Lots of hard-to-believe soul, friends who vowed a promise before that they will stay. Stay my ass. Kicking me out, that is what this life did to me.

My muse? Long gone. Temporary or forever? I don't know. I really do not know. That one person, I bet everything that I have left, my new beginning and to be my last. I know I'm losing that person. Should I run and catch that person? Or should I let that person walk away?
Truth is, my mind said something else and the heart says something else. Contradiction is amusing. Nothing is quite the same now.

God tell, He will never put someone into a place or state that they could not walk out alive, surviving the obstacles. Dear God, you heard me the best. Shall I be stronger, or lose this fight, it is all up to You.